Walking In Others’ Shoes

 Two unrelated stories last week caused me to think about how easy it is to blame others without “walking in” their shoes.

The first was an incredible magazine story published by The Washington Post and written by Susan Baer. I once worked at the magazine and knew the subject of the cover story, although certainly not well. One of my former colleagues, Robert Melton, suffered a stroke that drastically reduced his cognitive abilities. He was married and his wife, Page, continued to love and take care of him even though he had become a stranger who had little understanding of their marriage.  Eventually, Page fell in love with another man. She divorced her husband to marry him.

What makes this story incredible is that Page and her new husband did not abandon Robert. Rather, they made him a part of their new family and even moved Robert with Page to St. Louis when she joined her new husband to begin their lives together.

The story, which was brilliantly told, was a courageous effort to describe one of the most difficult challenges that a person can face in their lives:  what do you do when someone you love suffers a debilitating brain injury. It is an especially poignant question for those of us who love someone with a severe mental disorder.

But many readers saw the article much differently. Writing in today’s Washington Post, columnist Robert McCartney revealed in his column that the story sparked a torrent of mean-spirited comments from readers, especially anonymous ones.

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Welcoming 2012 With A Look At The Past

Since launching this blog on January 1, 2010, I have written 184 posts. In an average month, between 2,000 to 3,000 readers check to see what I have posted. When a blog is especially controversial that number can jump to  6,000. Readers have posted 1,000 comments. Thank you for your interest.

I started this blog after several New York publishers rejected an idea for a book that I called HOPE.  I wanted to write about successful mental health treatment programs that were helping people recover. Unfortunately, the editors who heard my pitch were not interested in a book about success stories. I began this blog because I wanted to continue writing about issues, mostly mental health related, that are important to me, especially hope.  

The start of a New Year is a good time for reflection –  so I have reviewed my 184  posts and picked out a handful to highlight.  If you didn’t read them when they were originally posted, perhaps you will glance at them now. 

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Pete’s Live Chat at USA TODAY

USA TODAY is now accepting written questions for Pete . He  will be answering them on line starting at 1:30 p.m. EST on Monday, January 17, 2011. 

You can ask your question by clicking here. 

Pete’s Op Ed piece,  Don’t Blame the Parents of Jared Loughner, has garnered more than 300 comments since it was posted Friday on the Internet. Many of the comments showed a profound ignorance about mental illnesses and the struggles that parents face when an adult child becomes sick.

What sort of questions will be asked Monday?  Will you be asking one?  Join the discussion, share your story, and help educate readers.

Part Two – The Power of Hurtful and Helpful Words

Words.  They matter.

When I was doing research inside the U.S. Penitentiary in Leavenworth, Kansas, for my book about everyday life inside a maximum security prison, I learned to select my words very carefully.

 This is because I was in a prison where what you said or didn’t say might get you stabbed. 

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Controversial OP Ed in USA Today

I wrote a blog not long ago about Arthur Walker whose brother, John Walker Jr., got him to spy for the KGB during the Cold War.  John also groomed his own son, Michael, and recruited his best friend, Jerry Whitworth, as Soviet spies.

Family of Spies: Inside the John Walker Spy Ring was my first book, a national bestseller and a five hour mini-series on CBS.

I’ve always felt that Arthur was gullible and easily mislead by his brother. Click to continue…

The Importance of Speaking Out!

A mother wrote to me four years ago about her adult son who had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder but had refused to take his medication.  The apartment where he lived was in shambles and he was in horrific shape. Despite everything that she did, he refused to get help. He sunk deeper and deeper into a mental abyss. 
Because he was not dangerous, there was nothing she could do.
 Many of us have been in this woman’s shoes. I get emails and phone calls weekly from frantic parents who have heard about my book and want help with their children. 
I remember writing the mother an encouraging note and occassionally wondering what had happened to her and her son.  Well, this week I heard back from her. Click to continue…