Last Christmas Gift To Mom Was Loving Song: His Suicide Prompted Her To Help Other Musicians With Mental Illnesses

My son, David, in happier times. Photo courtesy of Margaret Konopacki.

(12-24-21) Thank you Margaret Konopacki for sending me this email about your son and his enduring Christmas gift.

Dear Pete,

On New Year’s Eve December 24, 2016, my only child, David Martin, stood before our family Christmas tree with his guitar and announced that he had a very special gift for me, his mom.

He had a familiar twinkle in his eyes when he began singing “Maggie’s Song,” which he’d written about me. (Watch video below.)

Little did I know at that moment, this would be the last Christmas gift I would ever receive from my son. He ended his life on September 24, 2017 after just turning 30.

I believe he took his life due to the hopelessness that he felt. David was intelligent, kind, and gifted. But his mental illness convinced him that he was a failure who had let everybody down. I believe it was our mental health system that was a failure and let him down.

His death changed me. I refused to give up. To help others and keep my son’s memory alive, I created a non-profit called the Birdsong Foundation. It offers grants to Canadian musicians with mental illnesses and showcases their work. Our first album includes work by eleven Canadians and will be released in May 2022 along with a Canadian tour.

This Christmas I will think of of my son and listen to him sing “ Maggie’s Song.” I believe it is a tribute to all mothers and to motherhood. It shows the devotion and love of an adult child and his mother – perhaps the last person who still believed in him and who did not give up on him.

Along with my therapy dog named River – to remind me to “go with the flow” – I will ask myself what can I do to prevent other sons and daughters from dying, and I will tell David’s story.

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Unintended Consequences Of Civil Commitment Criteria. Writer Blasts Reliance On Danger.

 

Photo courtesy Pixabay

(12-21-21) I’ve always argued that using “dangerousness” alone or as the primary legal standard for involuntary civil commitment is foolish. I do not believe anyone can accurately predict dangerousness. This doesn’t mean I oppose all criteria intended to protect individuals from being abused and unnecessarily hospitalized. I have written before about how other countries lean more on “need for treatment standards” rather than solely sticking with dangerousness. (click here to read about Australia and here about Europe.)

In 2010, Drs. Megan Testa and Sara G. West published a well-researched paper that chronicles the abuses that led to the dangerousness criteria and the unintended consequences that criteria has created.

“Although the shift toward strict dangerousness criteria for civil commitment was based on the honorable intentions of protecting the rights of individuals with mental illnesses and ensuring that they received effective treatment delivered in the least socially disruptive settings, serious unintended negative consequences have occurred…Current civil commitment criteria force relatives to watch their loved ones go through progressive stages of psychiatric decompensation before they can get them any help at all.”

Strict adherence to dangerousness has increased homelessness and incarceration of individuals with serious mental illnesses, they conclude.

Sadly, most major mental health organizations shy away from discussing civil commitment, except for the Treatment Advocacy Center. One of its board members, Evelyn Burton, published an editorial this month in The Baltimore Sun arguing that Maryland’s civil commitment laws need to be reformed. I suspect she is speaking for many others who are watching a loved one grow sicker and sicker without any way to intervene.

Treatment Before Tragedy; Reform Maryland Involuntary Commitment Law

Guest commentary for The Baltimore Sun written by Evelyn Burton

Involuntary psychiatric hospital treatment can help prevent homelessness and incarceration and is a potential lifesaver for those in the midst of a psychiatric crisis and people around them — people like Sara Alacote, Ismael Quintanilla and Sagar Ghimire, who were killed in Baltimore County in May by a neighbor with severe, untreated paranoid delusions. It is a safety net for those whose mental illness makes them unable to recognize their need for hospital treatment and can lead to successful community living.

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Conservatives’ Criticism Of Housing First Is Wrongheaded. Yes, Hugh Hewitt, That’s You.

Photo courtesy of Metro Free

(12-17-21) I’m a strong advocate for Housing First programs with wrap around treatment services that help Americans who are chronically homeless, especially those with addictions and/or mental illnesses.

Housing First recognizes that putting a roof over someone’s head is the first step to recovery. Common sense tells us that if you are psychotic and/or addicted it is much more difficult to overcome those problems if you are sleeping on the streets.

Unfortunately, Housing First is under attack by a cabal of conservatives. Most recently, radio talk show host Hugh Hewitt launched an unwarranted diatribe against Housing First in The Washington Post. While arguing against passage of President Biden’s Build Back Better program now before the Senate, Hewitt warned that Biden’s bill would squander $170 billion earmarked for development of affordable housing if approved as passed by the House.

“Billions of dollars must not be captured by the radical advocates of Housing First, an innocuous, even just-sounding slogan concealing a counterproductive radical agenda hostile to the idea of placing any conditions on aid for the homeless,” Hewitt proclaimed.

Until I read that comment, I didn’t realize that I and hundreds of other parents and social workers who support Housing First are considered “radical advocates.”Click to continue…

New Books Coming About Mental Illness, Suicide & Addiction, Plus A Hopeful Update By Advocate

(12-15-21) I like to encourage authors who have written books about mental illness so each year around the holidays, I ask readers to tell me on Facebook what books they have found useful. I also post information from authors who have contacted me. Because I have been on a book deadline of my own, I have not read these three new works by authors who reached out to me. I asked them to write a small paragraph about their forthcoming books and explain why they wrote them. I’ve also added an update about a previously published book. I wish all four luck!

Short Jam-Packed Life – My Son’s Suicide and My Heavenly Father’s Faithful Support

By Dale C. Wetenkamp

“A parent’s worst fear is their child will die before they do. I lived this worst fear and survived! My book is a father’s search for answers about my son’s suicide. Suicide is that ugly word that is rarely mentioned in polite society, maybe that’s one reason it has taken me more than twenty years to write this book. My book talks about suicide and attaches a face — my son Corey’s — to this ugly word. If this could happen to my son, it could possibly happen to your son.

Fortunately, I had my faith to carry me through and beyond the most difficult pain in my life. God was with me, carrying me, every step of the way! What I’ve written is a memoir of Corey’s 27-year-old life. I began this book as a letter to his son but it evolved into a memoir that includes my own coming of understanding and acceptance with God’s help. Read more here.

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Advocates Ornstein & Leifman Describe How Miami Focuses On Treatment Not Jails

(12-10-21) Instead of watching a movie on Netflix or HBO this weekend grab a bowl of popcorn and learn how communities can and should take steps to stop police shootings, arrests and the jailing of individuals with mental illnesses and substance abuses.

I’m offering you two choices. Both feature the documentary, The Definition of Insanity, which shows how Miami has become a model in dealing with residents with mental illnesses and/or substance abuses who become tangled up in the criminal justice system.

You can watch the documentary without comment. [above]

Or you can watch it as part of a longer program. [below.]

The longer program features two of my favorite advocates, nationally-known political commentator, Norman Ornstein, who lost his son, Matthew, to mental illness, and Miami Dade Judge Steve Leifman. The program starts by showing viewers The Definition of Insanity and then features Ornstein, Leifman and Minnesota Attorney General Keith Ellison in a panel discussion hosted by the Humphrey School of Public Affairs at the University of Minnesota, one of the top schools in teaching and debating public policy.

Either way, you will get to see The Definition of Insanity, which was Ornstein’s brainchild. If you already have seen the documentary, you can skip to minute 1:05:19 to hear the panel discussion. [below] Think of this as an old-fashion double feature, offering you both a documentary and both men’s sage advice.

Best to bring two bowls of popcorn.

Long-Time Advocate Embarrassed How Society Treats Individuals With Mental Illness, Not His Own Bipolar Disorder

Risdon Slate. Photo courtesy of Florida Southern College

(12-7-21) Shortly after I published CRAZY: A Father’s Search Through America’s Mental Health Madness in 2007, I met Risdon Slate at a NAMI event in Florida and was struck by his advocacy on behalf of individuals with mental illnesses stuck in our jails and prisons. But I didn’t learn about his personal struggles until I read this excellent article by Kimberly C. Moore published in The Ledger  based in Lakeland Florida.  Thank you both for helping educate the public through this poignant story.

Mental Health: After personal struggles, criminology professor advocates for decriminalizing mental illness

Kimberly C. Moore

The Ledger (used with permission)

LAKELAND — Risdon Slate is, by all accounts, a pillar of the Polk County community, a college professor who advocates for the decriminalization of the mentally ill and helps to train law enforcement officers in how to deal with someone having a mental health crisis.

He also has a serious mental illness — bipolar disorder.

In addition to being a criminology professor at Florida Southern College, Slate, 62, has testified before the United States Congress and Florida Legislature about the poor job society does in taking care of the mentally ill.

“The mental health system is more than happy for the criminal justice system to have to deal with all of society’s ills regarding mental illness and mental health,” Slate said. “I think we need a better mental health system and I think we need better linkage to mental health treatment — somebody should not have to commit a crime to get adequate and appropriate mental health treatment.”

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