(1-6-17) FROM MY FILES FRIDAY: Four years ago, I wrote about how quickly people often are at judging others, especially those who face tough decisions because they love someone with a mental illness or a brain disorder. This blog was published January 16, 2012, after the Washington Post published an article about a woman who fell in love with someone else after her husband became mentally incapacitated and about the anger aimed at the parents of Jared Loughner, the Tucson shooter, after I defended them in a USA TODAY story. It is a reminder of how easy it is to judge when you are on the outside looking in.)
Two unrelated stories last week caused me to think about how easy it is to blame others without “walking in” their shoes.
The first was an incredible magazine story published by The Washington Post written by Susan Baer. I once worked at the magazine and knew the subject of the cover story, Robert Melton, although certainly not well. Melton suffered a stroke that drastically reduced his cognitive abilities. He was married and his wife, Page, continued to love and take care of him even though he had become a stranger who had little understanding of their marriage or her. Eventually, Page fell in love with another man. She divorced her husband to marry him.
What makes this story different is that Page and her new husband did not abandon Robert. Rather, they made him a part of their new family and even moved Robert with them to St. Louis when she joined her new husband to begin their lives together.
The story, which was brilliantly told, was a courageous effort to describe one of the most difficult challenges that a person can face in their lives: what do you do when someone you love suffers a debilitating brain injury. It is an especially poignant question for those of us who love someone with a severe mental disorder or develops dementia.
Many readers saw the article much differently from me. Writing in today’s Washington Post, columnist Robert McCartney revealed in his column that the story sparked a torrent of mean-spirited comments from readers, especially anonymous ones.