Parents of Children with Mental Illness
See Things Through a Different Lens
A guest blog by Joseph Meyer
A few weeks ago, President Obama spoke about the lens of personal experiences through which African Americans see life in the United States and how it impacts their perceptions. Several months earlier, in response to the Newtown tragedy, the President called for a national conversation about mental illness. Today, I am writing about the lens that colors my perceptions as the father of a child with severe mental illness in the United States.
When mental illness strikes young children, parents are often confused about what is happening—we question our own parenting skills, wonder if there is something we did wrong, and spend a lot of time and money searching for answers. We also hear a great deal of criticism and unsolicited advice from strangers, friends, and family: “You’re too permissive; I’d never let my child get away with that behavior” or “My pastor says kids with those types of issues have parents who are devil worshippers.” I believe such thoughts are in the minds of some strangers when they see my son come unglued in public, because I had critical thoughts about misbehaving children and their parents before becoming the father of a child with bipolar disorder.
On the outside, children with mental illness look no different than other youth and their symptoms may appear to be disciplinary issues. Educators even refer to their symptoms as behavioral or emotional disorders, implying that bad parenting is an underlying cause. Despite a poor scientific understanding of what causes mental illnesses, they are often unjustifiably blamed on parents.
